Expelling an airstream upon an open day- and I let it go then,
I was fearful that times would be regressing rather the progressing,
Once I looked to you, the acquiescence was not the way,
And the bottom of my fingers wrapped high on the discharge,
Losing everything, and giving all I got, was not the answer to what I sought.

Thus the gain I was bestowed this morning, was bright and pure,
It channeled inside my muscles that were sore,
It creased under my lids that I have forgotten to open,
I reaped deep in the makers eyes, and could see the content I finally was gifted,
The ivory and brass that is inside, not on the outside,
It was so cleansing and powerful.

Beyond my measures and prodding, it was right here this whole time,
To feel a freedom that is unmarked and unwritten,
No one can buy that, no one can ask for it,
It is placed within your mind at birth,
To uncover it, is your own desired attempts to retrieve it.

I can see you still though, you are there,
You have the same expressions and the same attempts,
Yet now...
Now...
I am my own axenic culture.

I am a child and have inncoent needs now,
I can close out the bad and confusing,
Building something with no blocks, would have never worked,
I am going to stick to what I know,
And delete the things uncalled for.

There is a heart storm today,
It travelled far to get here,
Now that it appears at my house,
I do not shut my doors and close my windows,
I leave the place to sample the pain, and let my true heart conquer the storm.

I see you, and it doesn't bother me anymore,
I see you all, and vociferate the words from truth,
I lowered my head today, and let the rush of honesty and patience take over.

I am far beyond and in the midst of change.


thank you...

arid

She was once cloistered in a barricade, not meaning to be there. The colors of the air were red and violent. She escaped from the place she was, and now you can hear her stroll. The bangles on here wrists jingle and slide back and forth against her moist skin. The Tuscany of her dark features as the highlights of her face shown off the commencing sun. She took the deepest breath and covered her mouth so she could remember she was substantial. Her body would sway with aided force, like the grassy meadows that she had forgotten. The dirt was like puddles around here bare feet. She could feel the textures that were hidden under the callice skin of her heals. Amongst the whirlwind of thoughts she was unable to control, her mind was playing tricks with her. Thus far, she could barely make out a oasis that laid on flat grounds. With the potency that arose around her fully alive body, she casted herself in fast motions. Making sure that her abilities would not be shadowed upon the time she would get there. The ten acrches she felt crusted intently upon her lips was needing the quench of bedewed water.

She felt the dirt become etchy rocks and stones and from there glass and blades. She kept perceviering with the strive she had for thirst and reviving her state of being. The calice skin later turned to a mess of muscle tissue and blood. She kept going. She exampled herself from a testament of the book. That she will never give up. The path became a scortching flood of desolate nothing. As she took a deep breath again, the stregth was being lost. She valued the last minutes she felt she would have. Craving the end, and yet wanting the end of this conquer much more.

Her knees fell upon the lands and her fingers were left empty and shooken. Looking up over her luminous strands, she is soaked in her own sweat and tears. She tries to focus her eyes to envision the surroundings one last time. Then as her hands drew to her face, the light silver purified her blear and desiccated lips. She was ecstatic as she realized she had made it. The water trickled down her chest and forearms as her heart pulsed with exhaustion and relief.

She knew from that point on, life has begun now.

By this elliptical day I can spare a chance to be human,
My vital signs are occult every so often,
Friendly outtakes that strewn on through,
Hurt climbs my loss and now I know what to do,
Nothing left to say to change your mind,
Shall you return, I will follow the hopeless and blind.

I said I was unhappy and left on a lifeline,
Drying my eyes and asking to forgive,
I sank down to the last sewn on sphere,
Buttons were loose and threads soon appeared.

You say that hearts can worry together and feel the same,
Running to the nearest exit, which to turn, which to refrain,
My grace is falling at the stairway that starts,
Never ends, only plummets my heart.

I found my way to you long before,
Lost may be for many, I am confident that you have forlorn,
This string show that plays in your head,
Watching me desperate and mislead,
I keep my head up to reach for to much,
You grasp the strings and my weightlessness is at your clutch.

Outside this hole I once chewed myself deep,
The skyway buildings that cower around me,
In paper walls and evading halls,
I see a person with the death he gave in,
I am crawling, just watching him.

I quiken my crawl and seek for an answer,
Quiet dear, listen to me and do not tear,
He speaks with remorse and something with meaning,
But his face has disgrace, and shadows my seeing.

The crowd of dust and black asphalt,
Trickles inside my cells that you pealed off,
This blackens the hole that yearns for me to get lost,
In this I found you before,
Understanding, never no more.

I had my face to yours and sweetly said you name,
I devoured the words you praised my eyes and ears,
Trying to comfort me and take away my lifelong fears,
You said the things I wanted to feel,
Longing to be accepted and believing I would heal.

I felt warm when you held me close to your chest,
Till you pulled me in this hole, and now I forget all the rest.

Happy was me and you,
But anguish became the prelude.

Sincerely,

I always will have something to hide that no one can construe,
Sometimes I won't even know where I am going,
A lot of the time I don't know what to say to myself,
When the air is empty, I feel like crying,
I crave attention and yet when I get it - not enough,
I turn away from people when they give affection,
Yesterday I forgot what day it was, and still I am lazy to find out.

I have three hundred dollars in my account,
I know how to look beautiful, but I don't know how to feel it,
The gym is packed full of people, so I turn around,
I have a house full of food, but I would rather get generic greasy fries,
Passing by a pack of guys saying hello, I smile ( sadly I don't have anyone),
Looking out my tiny kitchen window, I see nothing,
No matter how many times people tell me I am sexy, I am still shy and nervous,
It's hard to breathe when I am face to face with someone,
Feeling exposed when I am naked and the lights are on.

I left him because I was abused, or was it because I was bored,
People see me as happy, yet I know the truth,
At least once a day I think about death,
I feel others noticing me, but I don't notice myself,
I take photos of me, to see how emotionless and empty I really am,
I crave someone to hold me at night, no sex, just hold me,
Praying to god is what I once did, now I am not sure if he has given up yet,
The showers I take are usually hot, so the cold skin I have warms up.

I used to read and enjoy just being in a corner,
The words scramble together now, and tears strike every line,
I still think of that prissy guy I was with and broke up with,
I wonder if those days were when I was happy,
My family said there was never a time I was content,
The covers I sleep in suffocate me with it's loneliness,
I write to give myself a release, yet I am not sure if it's bringing me down as well.

People say I am lucky,
I think about that for a while,
Trying to wrap my mind around the many who live in dyer times,
Why do I only feel pity for myself though,
Why am I so selfish and can't fucking get it,
Here I am though, with this sin,
I want to be ugly,
There would be no expectations if I was ugly,
But I was born a deep personality, with soft features,
He only wants to have my legs, not my brain,
Everything I have learned is worthless in love,
It seems to crumble me eventually.

I think I think to much,
Wanting a place to stay, not my own place though.

Walking to the vacant fall,
I see fireflies bounce off my eyes,
I smile, and wonder what it's like to fly with light,
I only know the dark,
How it would be to fly away from my problems, with light to guide me out of my tunnel.

I considered your invitation,
As my mind wonders where you lead me to see,
Nothing else you can do, but what else can you be,
I starve for truth, yet still I chaise after you,
If I saw what was there, would it be the right thing to do.

Hanging on things that seemed unforgettable,
In the lament of things that were reliable,
I touched your face and felt a shiver,
I felt that you were my soul, can I live without you here,
Why is it so loud in the place of solitude, why can I not hear?

I cradled near your steps, and asked you to see me,
Let yourself seek through,
To my eyes they say much,
I longed for you, asked for your touch,
Despite, there is nothing of such.

I wasted my time, but is it time worth giving,
I had smiles and moments that were nice,
But this is the choice I now make, I feel it must be wise,
Scared yes,
Tired yes,
Wanting to die- sometimes,
But I accept a lot, and this is enough,
I will keep you somewhere in my heart, but not within love.

Your disaster was my yearn,
Your whispers to life were my expressions of concern,
You let me feel so many things,
But over my head and under my feet,
I cared for you, but now this is where we part and leave.

Another step in my life I take,
For whatever the intentions- I was always me,
But still- I will never be the same,
You and I could never be.

I lay here and spoke to you,
I once loved you.

Pretend

Everyone is watching,
I have the weight on my shoulders, and I don't have any leverage,
I may be struggling, but you wouldn't know,
I keep my mouth shut, and watch through closed doors.

I played pretend when I was eight,
I have fake color in my hair now, and my muscles are sore,
So much stress and not much to live for,
But the tree keeps growing fruit, so I keep trying.

Panic renders me when I am nervous,
Tension lives in later days,
Savior was my mother when I was in a faze,
But now the lights seem dark and gone,
Found is when your over with and done.

Show me where to go

Reappear and go away,
I am not sure, maybe over with and drained,
Shifting in from depth and flat,
I was the one, now I am last.

This is it and not at all,
You can have me when you call,
I asked for you to the passer by,
They said you forgot, and never wondered why.

All I needed was a chance to show,
Hundred times you should have told,
But changing never ceased,
You were what I dreamed, but never what I wanted to be.

I explained and detailed long,
But you looked away, and said I was wrong,
I conveyed something that was out of words,
You were standing while I was unheard.

I knew you and how you sensed,
This was filth and never rinsed,
I should have cleaned up before,
But I kept my mouth shut, and watched through closed doors.

I know how,
To get rid of people like you now.

Get cold and be like stone,
You have no heart, and your meant to be alone.

Passing

Something is missing,
Maybe I should ignore the temptations to lose it all,
I will be stronger then this,
The museum that putters is abstemious,
I follow but I end to soon,
I feel content with my borders and barriers in my room.

I lost control but now I am sane,
Guide you gave to me,
Made me have a pure destiny,
Like the drive that keeps me driven,
Day after day, night after night- you keep me living.

Simple thoughts and taverns wide,
Tuscan leaves and tired faces hide,
Taking to frotage upon your gifts,
Resting over the love you graced, and gestured happiness.

River slithers down a crowd so big,
Found me in droplets so vivid,
You took my hand and carried me to the sanctuary,
With your balance you cured my breathing,
I never knew something so blind,
My heart is trying to recover- relieving.

Shine bright star in the night,
You helped me through this deprivation,
You left me long ago,
But you never really went away, just a castled shadow,
I hoped you would come back, as you lifted me slow,
Letting me believe, that I can still have hope.

I am brave to face what I must overcome,
With everything stripped, and in pieces,
You helped me learn to practice the pain,
Into something learned, and something to gain.

On my knees I indulge in what is true,
No poetry, just a quiet sound of the soul you grew,
Made me on a waiting game,
Worth the while, for all is better- broken the chains.

thank you

Calamity

I am not afraid of fear,
It is something that quells and serenades till it disappears,
The brother of the sun came to eclipse my days,
Walking with gashes in my skin, and still I am not afraid.

Alterations had to be made when I fell from the sky,
I was not born, but came invincible through spheres in your eyes,
I demanded a lot, but little to be said,
Dragging my torn ligaments amidst the land of the dead.

Here my wings are spread with scales and thorns,
Enough to rip your throat with my anguish and scorn,
Dust and mud are served in bleach,
Hair clumps fall from my head as I service my creed.

I worry that you think I won't make it,
God is everywhere, and you think I don't know,
He see's the will I made was inferior,
But I will never subservient you, I do not fear.

I love the rotting perdition you will succumb,
On shaky grounds you feel overcome,
I say meaning in what you say not,
I may be the the terminal in which you sought.

I had you locked within a chamber in my heart,
Watched the end come near as my anti bodies ripped apart,
Your the complaint I told my nerves to abolish,
Hurt, pain, death, - my anguish.

The poison is how I see you,
I tried to dilute you with all the drugs I have,
But all I could do is feel lonely, cold, and sad.

Die with me then, I won't take you fear away,
Because you were the fear to begin with.

I am not afraid.

fucked over

If everyone ( meaning those who don't read this) laughs at each other for just once. How I notice that the unforgettable Mr know it all is looking at me today. He says he has standards and knows how to get what he wants. I am sure he does and I am sure I don't care. Maybe I have this assertive knack to get into someones head. To understand why they like me and why they think they know me right off the back.

I am not easy because I am creative. I have black nails that have been chewed and chewed back on. I have my hair 75% in my face, and no I am not emo. What the hell is emo? I am a woman. I tuck in my shirt to make sure you don't see my fucking thong hanging out. I am not a slut. What the hell is a slut? My hair is straightened and my face is put on every day at six ten in the morning. No I am not fake. What the hell is fake? I like to say that you are a hypocritical fool that has no boundaries when it comes to bringing others down. I like to say that you may have the charm and you may have many talents, but do you even know when my birthday is or what my hobbies are? Would you even be interested? I think that I may be wrong a lot, but with you I think I hit the nail straight enough to hit the side of the brain you never use. But which side would that be? I see you gazing for hours with that Jack Daniels look on your face. I think it wouldn't matter which side I hit.

I thought I would dress up flirty today because I didn't give a fuck what would happen ( although I had an idea). I came up to those ten feet tall glass doors, and I opened them with my burgandy hair swaying to the music of Metallica. You were sitting with this arsed expression, and I came up to you and gave you a fortune cookie. It was already open so you wouldn't have to use your manly strength to open it. I then left you with your I don't know what just happened thoughts. I went up the spiraling bookcase of stairs, and let my side view seek your later intentions. You opened the cookie and then your face dented in with a furious composure.

How does it feel to be fucked over?

I never knew what a man was before. If he would be tall or know what he wanted in life. I didn't know if he would be a working man and keep me safe from harm. I didn't know if he had a wallet or he had just a backpack and his two legs to get him from point a to z. I say z because I am not sure if he would be a man who was lazy and sat on his recliner or computer chair and he could only accomplish point b. There are those who actually go to the gas station and fill up their tank to the full amount without waiting till he is completely out of gas and say that is what men do. I have seen over six guys do that already. They wait till the gas is lick dry, and walk a block to look manly. That is not manly. I think you wanted me to pick you up you lazy ass bum. I am at work though, cause that is what a woman does. They are independent these days.

I think to feel meaningless is to feel like your life is going nowhere. Like everyday you wake up and you do absolutely nothing different. Even if you were to change your wardrobe up a bit, that would be meaningful, but you don't even do that. You look at your empty cupboard and ask yourself why you don't even know how you got food in there. Why you are even looking for food, cause you are not hungry. You have no desire to eat that last goldfish. You have no energy to make fettuccine, because you have no soul. That is a bit harsh, but you have no soul basically. Someone took it away from you. Or a lot of people took it away from you. You gave yourself away to so many like a stray cat. You rubbed up the wrong way every single time. That is why they never come back to you. They use you, and you let them use you.

I did something so stupid today, I gave in. I looked at my horoscope and it said I have a lot to look forward to. It said that today is MY DAY. I don't think I read it right. I believed it for once and I thought that today was my day. I would have profound chemical connections today. I don't know what exactly it meant by that, but it was referring to love. I was surprised and kinda anxious to see what would happen. I am going on a blind date, so maybe that is what it meant by connections. Maybe he is the one( I am being naive).

I went to the mysterious spot I would meet. I know how it feels to be fucked over. Got stood up once again.

You are never going to have a day that is your day. Some other person will always claim it. On your birthday someone will claim it because they hate that you are happy. People can't stand people who are happy. You see some random people and feel a flush of puke green envy towards them. They are smiling, laughing, and doing things your not. You remember the days when you were happy, having flash backs of your ex's and once upon a time family you once had. Your day will not come, and your happiness will come and fade eventually. You go out to a club, you eat dinner with good friends, or you got a new haircut. Your hair is eventually going to grow out again and your going to have to find a new barber. Life is shit all the time, you just have to make sure you don't get constipated from it. My friend told me that the other day. They were one of the most happiest lucky go charm people I met.

They got fucked over eventually too.

Under my bed there is a package of twenty newly varnished playboy magazines. Then right next to those is my self loading pistol. I am going to take the mini torch I have in my garage. I am going to grab the mags and place them on the cotton pillow with cum stains on them. I will then set it aflame as I watch the bimbos die for some sort of pleasure. I will see your bed burn and your porn shit burn more. I am then going to take the pistol and place it in the back of my pants pocket. Its a tight fit, but I just need you to see it. You come home and see the burned stains in your room, your bed in ashes. Your stupid sluts in crumbles. Then you see my pistol. You look at me and know now not to fuck with me again.

I felt fucked over, but later it boomeranged to you.

I head to my car and feel like a tyrant with blood rushing up and down my veins. I am happy, for now at least. I take it back. I had my day today.

Assholes are looking at me as I walk through the shopping district. All they want is what is in my pants. I don't think they would want it, once they mess me over. I turn my head to a group of guys that are antagonizing for my attention. I lift up my shirt so they see it. There faces fall right off there cocks. I am a woman. I am a person. I am more then you'll ever be able to handle.

You'll get fucked over.

I head down to the end of the mall and get myself a new dress to once again start the cycle. My name is what you want it to be, cause my real name is long gone.

The soft silhouette that trails behind me is in light cloudy shades,
I lean over the sink and rinse off the smeared eyeliner- I put it on again,
And then I reach my hands to mesh a lather of crisp apple,
I deeply inhale the orchard as my spine sinks back in,
I give a few seconds to see myself for what is truth.

I ingress with short tread near the creaky way,
My eyes feel swollen and banal,
My chest is failing me in a gradual fall,
The place may be spinning, but I must keep myself steady.

Only a few more days

Water pours effortlessly into my mouth with no taste and no emotion,
Just like my weeks- as I put on my clothes with unheeded moves,
I stay still for a few minutes and think of what is to come,
The plush carpet as it pulls me in it's layers of no return,
I have questions, yet none will ever be answered.

I feel it coming and where will I be bound when it hits me,
The days seem to coalesce like an untold book,
If the pages forever stay blank, then there is no worth,
Listening for something to tell me it's alright,
The morning will come when this won't become,
But only my mortal view has say.

Is it just an oppression that coinsides within my stature,
It never seems to angle itself to the right motives,
The dark enters every room now,
It is in every room as I enter and leave,
I would smile but it hurts to lie,
Faking for the innocence that forever died.

Disappearing so much that I can't even see my own face anymore,
The lines are not there like they were,
The ridges of my jaw and the opals of my eyes are vanished,
The tone is vibrating off of every wall,
Echoes of silence makes it even deeper.

What am I anymore?

I look into every soul and see things and hear things I wish I wouldn't,
I see the many, and feel like descending right in their arms,
What good am I to anyone though,
I latch upon the anguish I feel,
Being careful not to tell others or reveal.

I am apart from all

See me as I pass vigorously by,
My slender body and my soft features are a lie,
Inside there is a wall I built that has caused me trouble all my life,
I walk on stones to feel that I am still alive,
I drink acid so I can taste my own misfortunes,
And the air is dirty pollution of the smoke that evades my despair.

I have tried so damn hard to incover the many layers I hide beneath,
I say hello and give myself post-its that have encouraging words I wrote the day before,
I know what I am to myself though,
Coming home and curling in a ball asking for the light,
Banging my head with pleading answers and still wanting to cry.

Its all I think about now,
The days seem to drag out with so much pain,
Trying to make my mind busy and restrained,
Never seems to work,
Singing in the car with the music blaring as loud as I can,
To take out the sounds of the depression I can't stand.

Last day is near- I feel it

The lock was twisted and pulled with power,
I make my way under the stairway tower,
Past the garage and the parking lot of none,
To the car and down the road of no return,
Passing everyone by and wondering if they know,
Through the silent motor and inside the glossy window,
Life has taken its tole and seems to wrap itself around like wire,
Choking every last bit till it is gone,
My feelings, my thoughts, my dreams.... are done.

I looked in the mirror this morning, and saw nothing.

You can't carry me at all.
I am not the wagon you can pull and later get your cargo you waited for,
On this drunken night with my Bacardi giving me the moods,
I cant' tell you that I want your lonely swoons.

This is the sun and it scorches on my life,
I smile at the sparkle I gave off long ago,
Seems to simmer down now though,
It resides in a little place I forgot to remember.

My hair is dark and long against my back,
It carries the weight of the pain you put upon,
I twist my hand back to reveal my veins,
They stretch in crosses that Jesus restrained.

Mustn't you ponder a existent that is deadly,
On the perch that lies loosely over metal shards,
You dangle your neck and let me see your mistakes,
I move my head back and tell you to die anyway.

I am something that you will never be able to understand.

I lay Indian as my crayola chaffs across the page,
Dust storm of pink and yellow blends with my rage,
A forest, a brush, a prickly place to hide,
I look through the darkness and slowly convey,
I needed to tell you- the death you willingly made.

Please pretense a moment when I lived,
Making the pleasure of what we did,
On you I was a stallion, so wild and in trance,
You would yell my name I would pull down your pants.

Now what we have here- is something so dastardly,
I vomit at the fact you were on top of me,
Yet once again I see that it was I,
In the country of the lost,
Yearning for what you applied.

The tissue is on the bookcase high,
I won't use them today, for you shall die,
Death is presuming you in your quake,
I use the deepest graphite to uncover your fate.

I mourned with my veil over my pale nude,
Dropped meaningless nothings on your casket cocoon,
And whistled at the morning day,
For the thing that brought you down,
Has made me stronger in every way.

Sipping lightly on your drunken tomb,
Dearest... you will not be missed anytime soon.

Why would this be my endorphin?

The suffering is like a razor slicing my spleen in miniscule cubes. Your laughing at how I am cowering on the broken tile ground. I am a good person though. I make sure I smile when you speak. The millions that feel like they are hurting, well honey there is so many others who are hurting more then you. The black abyss I am in is ugly and dead. I wash and bathe in it and then dry myself off with it. I am exposed.

I am the clerk you shook hands with at the counter, and forgot to tell you they had a disease.

I am the person who honked at you to get a life.

I am the person who asked if you are having a good day at Starbucks, but secretly wanted to rape you.

I am the gardener who couldn't speak your language, but cussed at you in English anyways.

I thought of you as the lover I never had, and the demon that I never knew existed. You embellished something in me that will never sifter out. I am going to go out to that chlorinated peed in pool and sit on the 96 degree pave.. and get cancer spots. I don't give a F***.

I have a silver heart now. I can do anything. I am going to tell mother mary that I have something more to live for, to reveal the world for the corruption it is. The deadly side of it. How girls look at each other and feel like ripping each others organs out. How most men care about another lay rather then another day. The food is running low and all anyone can think about is when they will ever be in love again.

What the hell is true love? Is it finding a person with that fire that burns in your desires. That will make your desires last a little longer then expected. Men and woman usually have only one thing in common. It is whats under our clothes that makes the world go round.

Children are the only innocent ones.

Then they reach the age of adolescence, and all hell breaks lose. Its not like I blame it on everyone that they are sinners. We all are though.

The chimes are breaking their silence now and the lighthouse you set up for me to come to is vanishing. I walked right up to you, the slut you wanted. Just as you desired. You looked at me up and down, and the world decided that all you wanted was blow jobs. You just wanted me to fight for our sex and pleasures. I am not into that shit though. I love sex.. but I am into the adrenalin of it, not the dedication of it.

I realized I am in a battle now. I am crying because I know I deserved better. We all feel that way though. We all want that perfect knight to sweep us up off our sexual make believes. I feel sorry for those girls stuck in magazines to find out how to be perfect. There is no perfect.

There are some myths that men self consciously are attracted to a woman's thighs and an hour glass figure. Three out of five woman and men like a person with darker features. But there is always that mystery that people love to find out about someone. Secrets that make that person interesting. Knowing them is just the beginning of the lust. Never start out a relationship with what you have in common. Just wing it and find out about the other stuff along the way.

In order for me to feel normal again is in the past now. I can sense that the guy in the back of the classroom has hammered ten girls before he came to this semester. I chuckled at the fact I am not the only one with problems.

So many are in the loop of being insane, we just kinda have to remember we are as well. We have times when we feel our head needs to be screwed on a little tighter then it is. Mine is on two more screws. The men in my life took the others and used it to screw there's in tighter. That's what we do though. We use other people's sanity and make ourselves sane again by making them insane. Its the weirdest and most bizarre thing, but I see it happen all the time.

I hope he rots in hell eventually, but until then I will keep smile on my face and laugh at his disgrace.

I think happiness is something found with meaning. Without meaning, all you have is sinful momentary pleasure.

I mentioned to myself that I was going to walk far along the coast,
That the sand would fill my curly hair with all the spray I put in it the day before,
How the black jacket had my fathers name in Harley Davidson calligraphy on the mid back,
I could hear all the distant people down the goat bay beach,
Pearly sparkles shone off the risen sea,
And my little brother would be laughing at me getting caught in sea weed.

The ball had four lines on either side, curved and edged,
I would penetrate it to the cement three and a half bounces before I dunked it in the hoop,
Then the black widow would scatter by as my mallards would gobble it up,
I smiled and yelled after them in my duck language,
" Sapphire, Diamond!" I then walked two and a half acres,
Let my fingers glide over the sap on the front porch tree.

The big hill that had a little forbidden garden,
And my tricycle that I would ravage down on,
I dared myself to take off the wheels- so I did,
Face first in the snowy mud,
With my invisible hat on and my invisible suitcase,
I head back upstairs as my mom read me Corduroy to calm me down.

The walls were a burgandy purple and I chose skylight blue,
She laughed at me and said don't make a mess,
We had drips all over the wooden planks,
I scrubbed them so hard I could see blisters on my hands,
She argued that I was the best,
I laughed and watched the summer children chaise each other outside my window.

You took my hand and I should have known this would happen,
My life has flashed before me a million times over now,
All I see is what was once before and now I only can ask why,
I let you take my hand and nothing seems normal anymore,
Everyday is just a blur,
I am alone and will stay at mere age 21,
Because you took my hand and now I am done.


please don't do this to someone else...