I remember everything, even when I try to kill it away. I remember the day I smiled and it folded inside a broken home. Repairing my thoughts will take the change of time, I don't have that kind of time. So here I go, tearing out the page I read a hundred times over. Restating an argument will never please the raped soul, but the air will shake a rancid heart.

The dusted corpse background lays out over the red sun, and I hold my hands inside my lonesome blouse, just to make sure it is still going. My body odor is penetrating my lungs with the heat of days. My skin is clammy and my eyes are invisible. They see stuff but what is there to see when the sun makes me blind of my own mind. The forty days I have been on this path has been nothing of a recovery. Why is it that the wind has the power to make me cry, but the sun has me failing and wanting to die? The man in the hills stays up there to feel a mediated breath. The brushes and branches of green and blue blend into his figure. I can see him lifting his hands up in the skies and screaming his pain. The man takes him empire in his hands and lets the hurt release. I envy the man in the hills.

Broken thoughts that won't relieve, I can climb my own corpse till it bleeds. The sweetest taste is the honey of the new day, and the honey has been dirt with water. It feels like my mouth has been forced unto the dirt I must eat. No rivers will flow inside my throat, only the anticipated trickles of hail.

I have fallen in love twice and both have ended abruptly and painfully. There was no success with the second try you always plead upon. The man in the hills has received the pain of many and still keeps on releasing and exhaling the toxins that appear. Love is suppose to make the world come together, and yet the lover of your choice is farther right then wrong. Make me tangle in the vines of flea, and mark it as a pampered punishment. The sun will rage over my heart and the winds will make me cry.

Take my hand because my pulse will lose its purpose and my tears will lose there clutch,
I will want to keep going, but the pain thrives within your touch.

I fall over and my heart takes the last balance it can persevere. I tremble for a few moments and watch the hills as the man walks far away. I see and feel the vapors in my breath fall loosely to my shoulders. My muscles are lightening and my jaw falls near my chest as my last breath is released. I let my fingers feel the dirt I eat and my eyes get heavy as they engulf my nightmares and dreams.

It dispirits with fatal ease when the rise comes close,
Retiring like a dragonfly that has lost its wings,
Inhaling and gulping down the last atmospheric dose,
Letting the realization that the world owes you naught of things.

When you take what you had and take what is now, do you have what you wished,
Was it more then what you reminisced,
I think the day you said you would be alright,
Content with what the masked man said through your window at night,
Did the person take your heart and burn your trust,
Did life turn steady or was the adrenalin not enough rush.

My eyes see things that seem to be true,
But when I look again the things I have seen withdrew,
They dissipate and never come back,
Not the same, just red and black.

What can I say that will make it transpire into something with meaning,
Not the lonesome heart that cuddles with grieving,
Take my hands and see what this is,
A blank outline, an erased canvas.

I will long no more and cry my last cry,
Just keep my in my coping till its clean and dry,
Rock me to sleep old moon and gleaming stars,
Take me to the far east in Myanmar.

Why does it flood in and out,
The fire is built up from grounds that will fall soon,
I have no bucket to let it out,
I am going to fall with it and won't have time to shout.

This is the pain I was talking about before,
When you feel you have no one and are hugging yourself next to the door,
I wish someone would see that I am a person to,
Not take me for granted and misuse.

Oh, how it kills me inside to see the on going fire,
My life turn to ashes and my passions flicker out,
I am going to fall with it and I won't have time to shout.

Where you are is not where I am now,
I sink down low and see the dark prowl,
I close my eyes and hope it will all go away,
But when I open the pain still likes to stay.

Please fire go out and don't come back,
I will always be like this because people will always give me crap,
It will not be the world that takes me out in the end,
It will be the tug and scorch from the fire within.

The pain from the burn that hurts my soul,
Cries and tears that cover and unfold,
Where can I go to let my heart take mount,
I am going to fall with it and I won't have time to shout.

I look for things to satisfy my pain,
But in the end there is nothing that can come from it to gain,
I only burn so much more inside that I can't lift from my knees,
I pray to god, PLEASE GOD PLEASE!

Where can I go to feel whole again,
What did I do wrong that made this life I live a sin,
I think no one cares who I am anymore,
I live alone in a room full of scorn.

I am going to fall with it and I won't have time to shout.
No one will give me water to put the pain I am in out.

I poured a soul inside something that was empty,
The particles of it blended amongst the plenty,
It went past the volumes of blood that filled to the bridge,
Through the chords and tissues that surrendered to it.

With pillows of lungs to suck in the pull,
Boundless barricades it would make full,
The water that rushed through two quarters of your mass,
Plowing with power and forcing like brass.

Laying down the dark is upon,
Hands tingle with the sensation of it being drawn,
The puffs of air that you exhale and see,
The drifts of motion shakes inside to be free.

It reaches and your body paralyzes with milliseconds to spare,
The carbons come with and and your eyes see it there,
Flashes of life lifts beyond apprehension,
Through the dark it floats without remorse,
With a swift movement its off to a new course.

Past the building and amongst the laughing strangers,
They feel the chill that it gives as it lingers,
The allergies they say as the tears roll off their cheeks in its wind,
Making the people feel the pain as it touches them.

The soul remains back above where it briskly drifts away,
Until I pour another soul in hope that it will someday stay.

My soul is weak,
My soul is hurt,
But I wish for it to heal,
So I am able to feel.

Shall you sustain all your efforts on people, or the good of people? Shall god sustain all his efforts on making right, or making the people see righteous? To yearn is to desire strongly and persistently.. that's how I feel about god.

Blue night sky is heading on down, miles are to far,
Its growing up that takes half as much time as knowing to do it,
Treasures I find are losing their shine,
I am chained and unable to find,
My dreams seem to fade with people who take,
My heart is given with this simple serenade.

She looks at me and says that I am different,
Who is she different from the rest that say the same,
I wish for the day when others will not blame,
Courage and honesty takes a lot to confess,
But not the jealousy that will undress.

Is there real or is there fake, love is pure or is it slayed,
Take the knife and cut it down, the tree of love will make no sound,
I give so much and get nothing in return,
Just the awful incinerating burn.

Here I go once again,
Down a lonely path made for one,
I will stay near my children and seek a face in the sun,
The only face that can take me to my light,
Asking it why, when, where, for a bit of insight,

I will let the wind carry me now,
I will let my hands stray aside,
Let my cries bury in the sand,
Let my heart burst into something new,
Because this old one keeps thinking of the people who take,
The people who want something but never thank,
Why wonder anymore,
I should know what they are here for.

Achromatic blue night skies,
Day is done and everyone is gone now,
I don't have trash that they left,
Only marks of their fingerprints on dirty cups,
I will wash them till they shine,
Till I don't feel their presence no more,
Till the meaning of them is dismantled and gone,
I can finally say, so long.

I have stuff to reveal and things that are hidden,
People seem to forget that I am not a normal person,
I have a past that holds me back,
I have responsibilities that will forever last,
I am not a kid and will not succumb to childish ways,
The blue night skies are here, and I long driven through those days.

I have fallen in love and been spit out,
I have had friends who thought they knew me but got to scared,
I know more then what they think,
I know why they leave and believe,
Time will get them far and keep them going,
But time is the essence of not really showing,
They are slipping and falling through cracks,
Their days of fun will not last.

No more surprises and no more pain,
I have been through this and the blue skies are beginning to rain,
I will take my kids and leave from here,
Till the pain will subside and the cries will only be a tear.

I scream for joy that I found out,
That people are not what I am all about.

Blue night sky, take me home.

What is the bottom of the gun, with ash and dust that create a blur,
Words filled the air and expose a man undone from his musky beard,
Take down a flag and fill it with love he says,
Why should love be filled in a flag that has no meaning and praise,
With not enough tears to unfold between its creases,
And not enough weight to bear down all the problems that the atmosphere consists,
I could sit down and start with a " because", but the paper would become a list.

Lacking experience you can not say,
Wouldn't a controversy start this way,
With my heart on your face, I could walk far but you'd still have my disgrace,
My life was made in a book long before,
With paragraphs now missing and pages now torn,
" Why can't you see that this world is all the same?"
I looked at the man who said I was drained,
I knew my soggy eyes were down in pain,
But how could he say that the world was all insane.

I said I am hurt and it comes and goes,
The man looked unamused and said everyone knows,
Is it true when you are down many can see it upon your frown,
The blue circles you round your body in,
Floods your soul in things you begin but always end.

I say what is left to lose when I have done enough,
Failing is my problem and my trying is rough,
" I think you took my words in different means."
The man said with a grin of many things,
He spoke to me and dawn apeared at what he said,
The words unraveled with what he blessed.

I let the beauty that never fades flicker in my heart so wide,
I know I make things harder for myself sometimes,
But it is alright to keep thinking beyond what you may say,
The man with beard was right in his ways.

The world is all the same.

" This is just a moment when things will get hard,
but it is the devil trying to take you from the things you were meant for."

I knew this long before,
But with the mans wisdom in his voice, it just meant more.

What is the point in being beautiful when you have no true friends,
I fend for myself and learn that people can be different,
Often times I let my heart get caught in a hunt,
The pain is stepped on with people who want fun,
What can I do when I am left with little words to say,
Abused and controlled till my very last day.

I sing when I am underneath it all,
The flood of feelings that trouble my soul,
Will I find a lover that keeps me without wrangling my intentions,
Will I find a friend that wants me for my creations,
I swing by and see simple sentences that never have a period at the end,
Just me dangling over, holding on to fend.

I give my everything to people I love,
But my heart still collapses, and it's still not enough,
There is a figure in the doorway,
Telling me to go away,
I told him I still want to see life and I still want to see tomorrow,
He tells me no one would want me, why should I follow.

Is this what I get for the mistakes I have made,
Is this what happens to people that have hopeless fates,
Dreams fallen and thrown to the curb,
Prayers unanswered and unheard.

I want to cry and will not fake this smile no more,
I lost myself and feel hopless and torn.

Something will grab a hold of me eventually,
But maybe the things people say are true,
I am a person lost never knowing what to do.