I have only heard it twice in my life. The words that fill a persons soul with exuberance and luminescent beauty. What are these words though. What can they do when you are filled with drought and hardships. This place is closing in and the vent up above me is creating a draft notwithstanding. Here I stand with but a terse notice of hope. Betrayed by such a sin that lingers down someones throat. The field of dreams has turned into the field of darkness. Adjoining my heart with a negative stimulus. This pain will be gone. Shrouded in the abyss of the apostolic gloom.

I am walking a path unknown and yet the detritus that fills my fingers and my toes as I lean into the ground lets me drink the fickle depths of my life. He told me this path would lead me to a recursive angle to walk down. Over and over I will have to take it in order to see its definitive ways. How my slapdash ways are overcoming me, and my shaking in my skin is sending chills in my veins.

I had this dream when I was younger of a little girl following a wondrous light. The tree of life would be secluded in the distance, and the grass would be tall and mysterious. You would wipe the tips of your fingers on these blades of grass as the slight breeze would fill your strayed hair with warm coats of the suns rays. You would never get to the tree. It would be to far and to much for you to travel to. Then your heart would beat out in the open and above your quilted blankets. I would find myself laying in a lost state of mind, wondering when I would get to that tree. This path is never going to end. I will never be able to extrapolate my dreams and the place I am walking to in reality.

When he said it I couldn't breathe. The outside world seemed to crumble in front of my eyes. I would have grabbed hold of something to support my lose weight but my palms were lined with fear. The pressure to feel anymore had subsided into dust. I could only fall and kneel in a cradled position as I heard echoes of what just happened. No heaven is what I felt. No heaven and no hell, just a place where you must rot with your own derived pain. Seems as though somatesthesia was taking over my stomach. I held onto my rib cage till my warm tears melted into the cold rain that poured over my shoulders. Nothing will be felt till the vindication of my heart swells and collides with what he said.

I am afraid to open my eyes to what there is to really see. I am afraid of being hurt again. I sat there in the cold night till the darkness became darker and the air became colder. When I could not shake and cry any longer I stood up and my body wobbled with an unorthodox feeling. I couldn't open my eyes so I let the night carry me to where I needed to go. Whispers near my side sent chills down my spine. Sweet serenade sent through my impounding pain. I didn't know what is was that told me to keep going but it saved my life. Just a few seconds later the building next to me incinerated in a heap of ash and fire. I got home with not a scratch on my pretty little face, only a broken heart and smeared mascara marks. I will never forget him or this day I told myself.

I climbed in my bed at two in the morning and laid with nothing to feel but remorse for those who lost their lives that night. I felt bad for feeling bad for myself. I only heard those three words twice in my life. " I love you", he said once before. Till he had me crying on my knees begging for no more. I laid in my bed with my quilted sheets huddled over my head. Trying to get to the tree of life once again.

I can lay here in a puddle of naught,
With little to bare and nothing to sought,
But my heart escalates and inclines to the fault,
Breathing in and out till the humidity exalts.

There are many things I should feel right now..

I can't stay alone anymore,
The tears will fall and the burns will scorn,
A few have brought me to my knees in the last days,
Showed me trust is something not mentioned or even graced,
I yearned for one and he took me apart,
Broke open the vase and left me to starve.

I have only reoccurring thoughts of him and what happened with few,
How my tears fell with my friend holding me in my dew,
I branched into a rage and took it out upon the deceiver,
When the endorphin or revenge was never the reliever.

I found in this last week something I should have found in these last years,
My mourning's for a person to be there with my many intensified fears,
Tolerating such a naive course of mind,
Looking for answers when I will never find.

Last night was the epiphany of lies,
I was down on the grass and could see the echoes from the skies,
The hands around me were praising someone unknown,
With no answers just as I was shown.

But my hear sank in..

It plummeted fifteen feet down the earths crust and didn't come back,
I could only feel my hands clench to the sprinkles in the grass,
The moist undertone of the world below my feet,
The millions shouting and yelling for him to set them free,
As I left my body and was abound to this unknown,
My heart was given back to me- no longer torn.

Somehow the weight of the week before has been driven afar,
Somehow the moment I set foot on that ballpark the yelling was melodic in its par,
Bleeding my eyes to the sky above,
My shaking of loneliness turned into shaking of love.

I knew that with all the mistakes and questions I feel guilty of,
It has been healing in a way,
As I now see the unknown is a something that endows me to feel happier today.

As I laid that night and prayed...under the night sky with the millions of others who gave their life.