My watch says it is five when really it is a week before. The brick walls are going to barricade me inside and keep my chained with its iron metal bars. I can feel tension under my wrists and the gnawing of my flesh. The moon is gone and the sun has disapeared. Every time I open my eyes my lashes are thrashed by the cold dramatic air. I can distinct the loud impounding sounds of detonation. I want to scream but there is not enough air to capture the sound. So I rock myself back and forth, as my wrists are bleeding thoroughly down the sides.

My hearing is losing its volume as the explosions are dying down and the ringing in my ear drums is increasing. I can feel my eyes turn into two lifeless black holes. There is nothing for me to do but pray that I will be okay or that the torture will be over. I can slide my bare feet over the drips of blood I am creating on the floor under my chair. Then I grab the bars of my chair harder as I sense something find me in this darkness.

I can't see a thing with the cloth lining wrapped securely on my eyes. The air felt chilled as it swept over my scalped head. I got goosbumps and blade like hair on my arms as the thing came closer. I prayed it I would be someplace else at that point. Then my wrists were cut lose and as if I was amputated I felt the free tension release from my hands. I laid my wrists on my lap and did not move or budge. I knew if I moved it would come after me anyways. So I waited as my breath sunk in my empty lungs.

The gellid room bacame abruptyly silenced and frightening then ever. I was so afraid, but I knew that after the pain there will be light. I still had my hands open upon my lap, and the coldest most strikingly frigid thing was placed in my palms. I was already numb and continuously bleeding from my wrists, but this liquid that flowed over my hands was so violently freezing.

The thing came closer and I knew it was not talking but I could hear its thoughts for some reason. I was being controlled by it to take this cold object and shove it in my chest. I tried to scream but I still had no breath or motive to try and understand why. I was on my last thread and was ready for whatever it wanted me to do. I said I would never be able to do it in my head. The thing took my hands and a hurdling implosion upon my chest made a huge bang inside the cell walls. I now knew what those explosions were, and the cold unknown object made a hole straight through my rib cage. The thing had its presence still upon me and the hole suddenly sealed back up with a quick cold touch.

The beating strartled me. It was loud at first but then it subsided to a slow calm melody. It was like having a music box inside my chest. The thing took my hands and placed it over my chest. I could feel the coldness inside and it hurt. It was so painful that I wished the thing would have killed me already. I fell to the ground and cradled myself into a ball. The thing picked me up and undid my blindfold. The light crept under my eyelids as I could see that it was never dark but it was like a heaven in a way. With trees everywhere and a playgound in the distance. The thing was not a thing but a man with a beautiful red top hat covering his eyes.

I could read his thoughts and knew what he had placed inside me chest. He took my hands and leaned in to whisper, " Be careful with this one this time."

I nodded and walked away with a colder heart, but knew what to do this time with it.

The heart is a fragile thing.

Oh please blankets that hug me nightly,
Let me yell into you the things I can not say,
When I can't look at someone in the eyes,
Or pass every unknown soul and think I am the lowest of low,
Please let me yell and tell.

I want to take this time and cry my eyes,
The things that stay deep inside,
How the world is so big and I feel so small,
My head is always spinning and my knees are ready to fall.
Please let me get out this empty shaking,
The lonely depth of black holes I have been making.

My hair can cover my dreary eyes and my silenced mouth,
The weather can be bright but the place I am in always has a cloud,
I would feel love every now and then, but eventually it would go away,
I would be back in my dark tunnel crying and afraid.

Please make sure I do not feel,
When times get hard and I can not deal,
I have under and down and been having enough,
Because no one will stay or show me true love.

I miss feeling safe and happy,
I want to laugh with you but I forget how,
I wish there was answers I can protest,
But with this translucent tape, my mouth creates no sound,
And I get no rest.

I want love again and know I won't be let down,
But who would want me, someone without sound.

Blankets that cradle me in the night,
Can I yell into you the things that taunt me in fright,
Can I scream into you the many things I can not say,
Can I let out the hurt that makes me cry everyday.

The nails are falling to the ground,
As anchor drifts to the deep sea,
The moon falls in a bucket next to me,
And all I there is can be black.

Why move..

My nails are dirty and I won't wash them,
I have no money because there is no push,
My tiny sneaker was left under the bed,
The animals want to come climb to my canopy instead.

Why move...

My dream catcher is on a ledge,
I have makeup splattered in blood on the floor,
The closet is closed because I am afraid of the gouls and ghosts,
But the knives spread out on the counter are close.

Why move..

Twenty or something has been on the line,
Dropped and left on the ring, with my life on a dime,
Paper clip-outs with bits of glue on my veins,
Passenger side yelling and pain.

Why move...

The ten feet turn to hundreds of pounds on my lungs,
The walls are my best friend with the smell of propane guns,
My will is written on a paper that was burned,
Which way would I lead, the day is unconcerned.

Why move...

My eyes are closed everyday,
Muscular degeneration may abrupt my way,
But the crib is up high and the screams are low,
The thing inside my chest that beats - may explode.

Why move..
When I didn't know if I would live,
Why move..
If I had no voice or could withstand what you did.

Why move?

So much...

I am going to tell you that this dark has been a month,
Scream inside a dream that never overcomes,
How can someone look at you and feel nothing through a scream,
As you smell the irony of how much pain you breath in,
Go today and leave the lover you once knew,
The others will go away, but what else can you do.

This night is death,
It's undeveloped,
Lights flicker,
Your face is thicker,
But there is death,
I feel lonely,
Unadvised,
Please whisper..

Am I the one that will make your heart bleed,
Dance with you and make you leave,
Can I be the night and you be the day,
So it will be eventful when you grow astray,
Be true to me and say those words,
Make me sink in my throat,
I have no more hope.

My name will be absent for years and years,
But with flashes in your memory you will feel those tears,
Seeing what we had and be mournful for the death,
When you looked at me as I took my last breath.

How is love equal to the things you did,
I held my shaking hands and wished you never lived.

I was so much..

With rushing waters rinsing on my eyes I could see the bridge compromise,
With my pain down below this pine an oak,
Look at the swift movements of the dove fluttering on by,
With its highest reach above the world, and crusades through ebony skies.

Yearn for me oh dove that sings, silent emits of its serenade,
The extravagance of the buildings and the turquoise silver bells,
Could not compare to the love inside this doves lovely breasts of quilt,
Bend me down to the ivy of eve, make me dream.

I let the dorms and white branches take hold of my woven sweater,
Engulf me inside its warmth and take me somewhere better,
Climbing on pebbles that turn into rocks,
I don't need a compass for god will help me from lost.

Feel me and let me feel, dove shall take me under its wings,
Tears fall down into the soil as I let it bring,
Solitude among these grounds is holy and great,
Drifting though without all my pain.

World with so many tribulations and doubts,
With this place, I will move farther into my destined cloud.

The warm vanilla, not the kind that swarms inside a closed room, but the kind that freshens the air and lets you think of old memories. I let this scent hold deep inside my head for a few moments, making me delirious.

I walk and the barn in the distance seems to be getting farther then closer. Cliffs came into place and I could see a man kneeling against this old wagon. He looked at me weary and without animation. I took my hand and angled it so I could say hello, but the weight of my hands became immensely heavy. I let my frustation of this die with the next problem of walking. My knees started to feel like the ground was eating it up. I stood tall but my legs were sinking inside my chest. I tried to speak for the man to help, but my voice was soft and sweet like valentine babies. I wanted to get out of wherever I was.

When my arms were pressed against my sides and my heart felt like the moon was using it's gravitational force to carry it away. I could see the man just staring at me wondering why I was distressed. I felt like he could have been mentally ill for not trying to help me.

As my head was dreary and my life seemed to be falling before my eyes, the surrounding changed again. The cliffs turned into flat lands of long cherry orchards. I was still sinking to my disposal until my heart pumped long deep beats. The man came closer to me and I thought he was out of his mind. I tried to jolt back but I was numb to my sides. The curve of his hands grabbed one of mine and I was let lose a light limber note. He grabbed the other and rested it on his right shoulder. Then he let go of my other hand and grabbed my hair losely in his rigid hands. He swiveled my face to one side and I could smell the blossoms blooming as he creased his lips one by one on my cold cheek. He let go of both my hands and grabbed my jaw bone lighty cradling and kissed me intently to deepen my heart beat. My legs were able to stand now, but he made me gravitate to kneel and lay in the field. He kissed me from my collar bone and grazed his warm hands up and down my spine. I stared into his pastured eyes, and knew I was not dying.. I was in love.

He made me weak in my knees, made my hands grow numb, made my heart sink in and made my eyes see things that made no sense.

We laid there till we had to make the bed.

If I never fell in love would I still feel,
Irrelevant and alone, unable to heal.

Seeking in this box for the answer to come,
Twsiting the ballerina to play it's last song.

Tell me if I never heard your voice or felt you cry,
Would my love still be implied.

The plastered blank walls I look to everyday,
Making invisible pictures of your mournful gaze.

Can this love be erased and put aside,
Because the pain it here, like black ink that spilled to much to hide.