He died and lives

The spikes were situated crosswise from each other. The tight knotted ropes barricaded on either side of the gravitating spikes. The stone hedges circled the center where it was placed. The pillars were high and distant from the monument. The guards placed outside and inside. The individuals placing duty were beyond the courtyard. He was placed upon the outer base of the centered stone hedge.

The soft numb skin of his back blared before every soul. The tender likeness he consisted of was being held in the hands of the guards. He was untouchable and never pardoned with a pitiful glare. No one asked if he was apparent of what was happening, he knew, and he wanted it. The air was chilled and his bare chest took a deep breath before the beginning and the end of the torment to the unsaved people.

He looked at her and stood against the stone. When he straightned his posture he grasped his stregth, showing in his veins and angling upon his spine. The whispers of the many who were lost violently and silently clustered in his thoughts. He could only seek out the many but see the one woman who helped him seek the many. He never shed a tear, only shivered for the hell that lived here.

The breath he took was broken with the heathenish slash. Over and over, till the sins of many were ripped open over his back. He lifted every time ten slashes embedded, then took another breath. The ribs were shown and the blood flooded in gallons. No human could endure this magnitude of pain and suffering. The millions of humans could though, and he had the millions inside him. This was only the beginning.

Life took on the days of saved and found.

Bright

" Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere that I can feel safe, from myself, and everything else."


I looked up upon the midnight hozion, and the sun beamed low over the small moon. I got up from my watery bed lays, and drifted towards my window. I peaked over the balcony and heard my mothers and fathers voices whisper behind the paper thin walls. I could see dark fog and a figure in the midst. I heard my fathers voice rise and shatters inside another room. I looked through my transparent curtains and could feel the frigid breeze carry my skin on a lucid ride. Then the figure that hovered near my window pane came for my hand. I heard screams and rattles at my door knob. My hand reached for the unknown figure, and the winds took me with it.

I held on tight to this figure as it carried me to a place I was unsure and yet not remotely frightened. Amidst the darkness and through the abyssal I could make out glimmers of bright beautiful colors. Then what seemed to be Christmas lights turned into white purity on top of a rooftop. Chimneys were below my feet as we rose higher and higher. The trees of willows and spruce turned into a sea of pines and oaks. I felt the moon against my light skin, the shadows hug my hair and eyes.

The velocity we were going was brilliant. The fast radical of the different angles was making me feel free. I could sense the desserts sweet sands slip under my toes and the cool calm tones of the forest greens take my heart on a humid hill. We reached so far through unknown territories. I still had no idea what this fogy figurine was, but I enjoyed it's company.

The cave was dark but it took me through it. The chlorine smell with granite and disulphide hidden in its caverns were invigorating. I was placed on top of a smooth stone and there before me was a glow that could blind you if you stood in front of it. The shadows of the cave hid my eyes from the glow. I felt my knees fall to the ground as I let my heart have it. The effulgence was piercing and painful and it made me whimper. I cried from the joy of being in front of this power and beauty.

The figure went towards the visible light and grasped my hand to take me with. I pulled it back and was frightned to be engulfed by the brightness. The figure silenced my thoughts and as if it were reading my mind told me it will be okay. I cried. I surrendered my hand and walked with the figure. The radiance took over.

" Where do you want to go?" The figure whispered.

"Anywhere that I can feel safe, from myself, and everything else." I asked.

" Welcome to heaven my child." The light answered.

The Lost

The chair slid back and all I heard was your cast,
How the whole place shook as I heard it drop,
The pin needle of your pain,
It was so intolerable as we huddled in this cell.

I asked for mercy when I was placed here,
Pushing and shoving in the dead,
Brute looked and spat at my entirety,
My feet could not budge, but he made me fall,
On rotting and putrid grounds,
I asked what made life give me these days,
But the pack of people lost there prayers many months before,
As I wiped off the tears unto the floor.

This is the bottomless pit where people arrive,
One's who are always lost and never alive.

They threw me in with the rest,
The dirt and steaming nudity of the depressed.

Do you see

I like it when you know the day is going to be good. It is a humble sweet aroma when I walk out onto these steps. The gorgeous scents that stricken my nostrils as I walk with my sandals on a sling. The soak of the fresh bayside breezes. It seems like everything comes into one when you are in a good vibe.

But here we begin...
I am with a seed that has been planted but has been forgotten to be watered. I hang on the car mantel with my string lightly coming undone, a balloon ready to float away. Water that will never be wine. Hope that will never be a destiny.
I walk into the cafeteria and see many faces, but just a blank stir of nothing. The lights carry from outside and inside the bulbs. I see and hear the laughter of influential minds, and some lost.

I carry my books in a bag ready to rip, but I like the clutter that surrounds in a creative bag such as mine. With its hand woven leaves and flowers, many colors and traces. I clutch onto the handles as I enter the food court. I am hungry but only look at the menu. I see the prices before the food. I search my mind for an answer for my stomach, but only find consequences. The many things I could be getting with something to eat. I decide to fast for today.

I head back into the cafeteria and see many glances looking in my direction. I let my hair hide my face as I sit in a corner that was made for loners like me. I sit and scramble inside my bag for my notepad. I write and draw all the places that I would like to be other then here.

Fluorescent forest- With light shades of green and opal drops of black leaves. I will lose myself in you and make a maze to keep me away from the hunters and the creatures. I will be a mate for the wind and the earth. I will keep in the hidden holes of oak trees and eat the air I breathe to keep me slim and naturally beautiful. I will live here and when it is night I will sleep in the canopies of many pine and evergreens.
I look up and see that no one is watching me. So I turn the page and return.

Railroad tracks and old theaters- I like to throw rocks into the empty spaces of tracks. I will kick dirt and let the filth give me happiness. The sun will blaze accross my tank and let me feel the humid sticky air. The trains will come and never stop. I will hear the loud thunder of the conducting sounds. I will let my hair fly away as it passes on by. I have no headphones on, but I hear music. I see old 50's people and they are playing old music in there classic cars. They are drinking shakes and ready to go see a movie at the neon lit theater on the other side of the tracks. I suck in the eighty degree weather. I drink the essence of living alone. How wonderful it is to be a rebel and letting the world troubles fall off my shoelaces and into the sunbeam dirt. The tracks cut off at the end( about 1000 miles from home).

Loud noises are made when someone laughs at someone else's mistakes. I disapprove but go back to what I was doing.

Somewhere outback- "The willow tree is not that far!" I yelled at the top pf my lungs. I ran to the tree and climbed it all the way up on the cornered edge. He looks at me and says he will never be able to do that. I give him a lift and when he got up I followed. I told him this is the place I was talking about. The world shone right back at us. The cities scraped on our knees and the forests were far in the distance, the tracks were on the left, the animals grazed in the pastures, and the cottage pillowed smoke from it's chimneys. I said that this place would be in out minds forever. We will never forget it. I took his hand and placed a ordinary rock in his palm. He gave me a discouraging expression, and I threw the rock against the trunk of the tree. It broke in half and he gazed at it before he smiled. The rock shone in purple and translucent shades. It sparkled for the world above the willow tree. It blazed for him. I told him to keep it and never lose it. It will take you to our place.
I started to cry as I drew the last branch to the willow tree. I remembered when I gave the stone to him. He held it in his hand before he went away. He said it took him to his happy place. To our place.

I got out of my seat and head out to the opening area outside the cafeteria. Where the trees stood tall and the grass grew long. I fell to the cement as my legs buckled up. I grew numb and I had the last image of my brother in my head. How he held that stone before he left.

" I will see the world now, and I finally get to dance above those canopies of forests." he dropped the stone to his side. His expression left and his voice distantly gone. My innocent dreams left with him.


He gets to be in that good vibe now.

You have to think of something else when the person you put so much into goes away. How do you do that though? Where do you start to get over, and where do you end the days so indistinct?


The petite figure she had was something at an envy for many. The skies were a haze of gray today and she looked in her oval mirror among her vanity and saw only desperate lines sashaying her ivory cheek bones. She took the powder her mother gave her two years back and showered her face in it. The eyebrows were a cloud of dust under the layers of white. She looked at here face in disagreement. She knew she was missing something. Taking the maroon crushed tomato lipstick, smothering it over her lips in jittery clusters, she looked at herself again and soft wet silk slithered down her skin.

She saw a girl who would lose everything today. Such a fool she was to do this to herself. Looking like a clown/hooker, she carried her self into the restroom and rinsed the access plaster off her delicate skin. To the closet that walked straight into a black hole, she slouched at the thought of what to wear on such a dreadful day. The black button down with pin stripes that made her look anorexic, the coat that made her look like she was fat, the slacks that made her like a man, the pencil skirt that gave her big calves, or the blue tank with jeans. She found an old shirt with holes in it, and sweats that she doesn't know when she washed them.

The counter was filled with mixed belongings and receipts from who knows when. She gazed among the mess, and saw the picture that stood out. Taking it lightly in her hand, she almost forgot what he looked like. She just saw him yesterday morning, but now it seems they have already made the descent to departure. Wrapping the garbage bag twice she saw it through the translucent sheet. The gray haze outside turned darker as she walked outside.

She was in another place in her mind, her face was pale and nude. The hustle of the wind blew through her loose shirt and sweats. Hugging her arms close, she felt as if she should rush. Why should she rush though? She reminded herself that this was a dreadful day, and should be taken slow. She waltz down to a long haul and carried herself to the sounds that surrounded her. The cold did not rupture her depression.

Should she do it?

The cars passing by were making the winds faster. The cold getting colder. She liked it though. The cold took her mind off what she did not want her mind to hear. How scared and lonely she felt already. How hard this day was going to be. The winds would pierce her eyes and her allergies caused her tears to fall, but she doesn't know if they were real. She could see the little vanishing points the cars made, the empty space between each vehicle. She could slip right through one of them and be destructed with one swift move. This was something she could contemplate after this day is over.

When the stoplight said she could walk across, she raged in thoughts towards the drivers watching her. She wanted to scream, " HELP ME." No one hears your thoughts though, only your own troublesome self.

When she sat down at the bench she knew would be her last solitary moment of peace. She watched couples everywhere. Mother caring for her husband. Teenager with little teenage girlfriend kissing. Then a man taking pictures of his wife against a romantic pond. Then she created the image of what others saw her as. Dark shadows around a girl who wanted to cry.

Then she watched him come closer. the air became frighteningly frigid, and the bench became large. She felt small and nervous.

5:35 p.m...

5:35 p.m 12/13

5:35 p.m 12/14

5:35 p.m 12/15

5:35 p.m 12/16


There is this girl. I watch her. She sits on this bench in Aleen Wit Park, and she sits like a statue. She has long strawberry wavy hair with soft pale and delicate skin. Her cheeks turn flush in this cold. She sits and stares out at one single point in the park. She does this for three hours before she has to go.

It's like she is watching her life walk away. She watches that distant path that carries the leaves of her soul to a wind more suited.

I watched when it happened. When he left her.

I asked why he left, she said he didn't.

Ways to think

This is to much to go through. The dark and hinted dreams are found when I think of you to much. Today must be Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. I am wrong lately.

I have found that lurking in the dark is my old stuffed bear and my chewed on comb. I see the piled clothes that need to be washed. I see the papers that are due tomorrow sitting in front of my blind cactus eyes. I have crap to do.

I heard that half the eastern border is being invaded by smoke. The smoke filled the lungs of millions of innocent people. Then I heard that my parents split up four years ago and I wasn't aware. I listened on the phone in a death tone that someone said they got robbed. I am wondering what to do about it.

I laid in my bed with the lace covers hiding my tired face, and I thought about rain. I peered outside and saw the rain. I sunk under my covers a little more and felt the warmth. I peered through my window and it was scorching sunny. I had nothing on and didn't know what to wear now.

The yelling upstairs and the singing next door is combining into a sorrowful orchestra. I went into my bathroom and listened to the streaming waters of someone peeing. I then dragged myself in my room and heard moans and unspoken words. I can't find peace, or what is peace.

His golden ridged losing grace, said to me three years ago that he had enough. The guy with the smile as large as his pockets, said two and a half years ago that he cheated on me. The boy that was humble and sweet, said to me one year ago that he was afraid of kids. A man said to me a week ago that he would fall in love with me. As well as fifteen before that man. I think I will stay in my dark place.

My bear is all I need right now.

It is Monday, time for a new week.

I like this shelter, it combines with a verve of justified principal,
A statement to long to say, but greatly valued when thought,
Standing inside a hope will do you no good, but acting upon,
Will bring you what you caught.

I slant my hips to the beautiful jaded air,
My watery eyes from allergies dry to the music,
The tones that life gives off,
It lets me die and rebirth something better,
My arms are above and my feet ground everywhere.

Reach for me cause I am here,
It's cooling to not want to tear,
It feels so lifted and gone from a bound,
This combined phenomenon and changing sound.

"Wow!" I said as I stood in churn,
My garmets that were old now fall to this burn,
Blazin through a new alighted beam,
Joining arms with liberty and all blessed with purity.

I like this taste, and I like this feel,
I love this flow, and I craved this appeal,
I think I can see it and you guided me their,
Eternity that was always, so external and fair.

Reach for me, cause I am yours,
Here to honor, here for your words.

I let in and I let out,
Breathing all you are, breathing what you amount.

It is so beautiful,
I'll find you there when you find it too.

Burnt

Summer will soon souse my eyes in its ignition,
Losing the attachments I kept so close,
Intensity will walk with me while I let it slowly go,
Broken, clipped, mantled, used, torn,
I will let it go.

The sunken sun will lean towards my back today,
I will close my eyes and let it swallow me in,
Caring for everything will soon turn to nothing,
I am running when I am walking,
I am gone when I am running.

Its been hard,
These few years I have been dwelling,
I smile and let the waves of gods violence take over.

" I have nothing else to lose, the ending was long past."

I gave it my all,
The car swirved and I ran over my feelings along the way,
I am numb to this,
Symphony that lives inside my life,
Death is never a choice, either is living,
But the sun keeps shining on my unanimated believing.

I am at a mode,
Stuck from one sky to the next,
Bittersweet lies that vex,
I have been to the place where things can happen,
Nothing happened for me.

My skin is dark because the sun has burnt me,
The love I had has built around you to much,
The sun scorches when I am unable to love.

I am afraid of leaving to somewhere shaded now.

Fades of light

I kept my throat clear enough for the nights blare to hear me. The chuckles of the hail storms ravaging on my severely chapped skin sent my head down to service my whereabouts. My view consisted of a sequel to the Appalachian mountains destruction. I could see the dive from where I stood and where the lines of flat lands stood in tempted arguments. I wanted to arm myself for this battle. I was empty inside my stomach. I only had a rusty pocket knife to siege through this revolution. Onward, as I used the emotionless thoughts to condom the bruises and cuts.

The stars afloat to high for anybody to reach, because it won't be believable when they kill me on my way down. The resistance is weathering my assurance. I know the sparatical lights that single me out, are now pressuring me in. The huge guilt that barrles you when you feel wrong, now sits beside me with a smirk. A fierce knock rattles me above in a cloud of airy mist. Then the wind is tempered into a tornado of hot and luke warm.

Lend me this savage, for it lives inside me now. I feel the struggles it is giving me this moment. The minutes it condenses, the hours it relents. " It is convulsive and wild." It will never end it seems. I lift my finger above to see what texture it adopts. I ingested my own heart. The thunps grew inside my stomach. I can see it.

My puplis were constricting, and I can sense it was here. The toes curled in, and my hands felt the nerves clipping off in violent sensations. I was shaking and didn't want it to stop.

I fell to the stone grave. I reached to the calligraphy. I trembled in disbelief.

He was dead!

The joy I conceived that day, let me rest in peace.
I slept soundly on his stone.

"The title is erased more then often when I think about the meaning of this. The things I would like to forget is defining itself as a whole. Not a mixed number, but forever that everything. I can't subtract or add upon it. It just is that odd equation. That undefined thing that makes me wonder why I am here. "

When I go to sleep at night, the plunge begins. The cycle of not knowing what to feel or what to do. I try to toss and turn, but there is that crave that I need. To satisfy my honest intentions of making more of my life.

"I could be in a naive state of understanding, but how can I rest when god made human beings to feel love. "

I try to keep a side track desperation upon a listless things to fondle. I have created a pit hole of what I want and never can have. I get lost in it every so often. I am looking out the eyes of many though. I see through dark and light. I see through desperate and fight. I have strength then I have none. My heart seems to lose a lot, but my soul tries to keep me on top of things. I feel I have sinned a lot, like I will never be able to take some things back. I try my hardest not to turn back to those past things though.

"I seek hope in my own mind, for I have not many to confine."

My worst enemy is myself. I beat myself up to a point where my bones should be place on the outside of me. They might do me better as a barricade from the debri I receive daily. I find myself searching for something everyday. I am searching for life and for someone to want me. I want to shed rain, but what is rain without the thunder. When rain pours the thunder brings pain.

" I don't need to feel more anguish then I already am. "

I see you, but you fall down an avenue I wish I never knew. The lanes that collide within my heart. So now I have to forget everything you were to me. Everything you said that was great and made me happy. I have to forget. I have to think of how you will be bad for me in the long run. I have to think of those things that people don't really see when you are in bliss. Those things you don't see till you get out of lust. I never liked you smile, or the way you laughed.

"You told me I was beautiful, and had so many talents. Now you say nothing, leaving me in silence."

I am left alone now, and with images of you blazing through my head. I find everyone I am with to be compared to you later on. I just want to be done with how you made me feel and how you were once the one. I want to move on and let everything I thought I cared for, to just dissipate.

" To conquer thoughts of you, will be the biggest leap I will jump, but it will be done."

I will go and take a bath tonight. I will lean my head under the rushing warmth of the water and think of you for one last time. The times when you would call me and say you thought about me all day. The times when you held me and kissed me goodnight. The times when you said you felt you were the luckiest person to have met me.

" I will cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, and cry.... feeling like I want to end it. Then I will dry myself off, look at myself in the mirror, and see that I deserve better."

I love you one last time.

circumstance

The deviant ferment has caused every which will to denigrate,
I only wanted to keep my veins afloat heavy fluidity,
To enhance all that was never there,
Being born in these grounds have caused me to have a pull,
Pushing the cells from the others without cause.

I am becoming extinct.

I press my body against an empty air,
The air was once dense and had meaning,
But lately it is lifeless and dead,
Nothing but the malicious sirens of my head.

I caused you to feel what my sins have constructed,
A curse that has been vowed on me ever since, " when."
The silence is here it is louder then words, " It SCREAMS."
I wonder if the rain will stop and I will feel the content depression again,
When I cover my face with the suns embrace,
Seeking solitude, yet wanting to be seen,
Don't just look at me.

I hear it,
The percussion that vibrates off my life,
Ending where stone bricks lay,
And the darkness of everyday.

Deciding whether or not these veins need to be sewn,
When my heart seems to beat with every measure it has been thrown.

Drying knots of peace riddles with violence in a tug o war,
Which to handle or which to abhor.

Finding no answers and no remorse.

Play

Play me a lullaby,
With soft structure and the lights dim low,
I will peer through my sheets as you peer through the window,
The temple of my head is stricken with pain,
So with this lullaby, it will take it away.

The ambiance of this, will captivate my day,
looking back and remembering why I was afraid,
The hurt was strummed so hard I could feel it wound me,
But my smiling eyes towards your lullaby will swoon thee.

Oh light that transpires off your neck,
Your melodic rivers that bless,
It sinks in my ears and out through my tears,
I wish I could take back all those wasted years.

Play me a lullaby and maybe I can sleep,
Because my life has been to long, and now all I want is peace.

Doll

Acherontic ample skies I hover under, with you my porcelain puppet,
As I play with swiveled sides of your glass conjecture, I facade on the scars you appeal,
Every broken line seems to end at the climax of your head,
Whispering ever so slightly in your uncomprehensive ears,
I once knew you my dearest pale adoration.

I start with your hair and pull it with force,
Clumps falling to the madness of the ground,
I smooth your bbare head and shave off the rest of the ugly stumps,
I then look at you in your english dress and tear off the lace,
The sleeves will be blantly gone and your face will still have those cracks,
Then your lips so maroon and plush will be painted in black sharpie,
Your arms will be pulled staright out of there fake sockets,
You will be a boat without a sail, shipwrecked.

I see your eyes now, as I pull you away they close,
I make sure your face to face with me, and I see how much sorrow you have now,
You were never pretty to begin with,
Your perfect skin and painted cheeks,
I then slam with you with all the adrenalin I have against the steel walls.

I see you shatter with your glass and delicate body in pieces.

I then tremble in emotions that have been dying inside me for so long,
I huddle near the ground and notice,
Pieces of my heart have been shattered for so long,
This fake person I am living in, she needs to be dismantled.

I am just a porcelain puppet waiting to crack.

forsaken

It was like an esoteric allege,
If I ever told I would be left,
On the way from hillside lane and the unistead drive,
I had a batch of dirt on my knees and distance from being alive.

I sit on sunset cliffs, and the shore line grove,
Night time peers and I hold my apparel close,
It's cold out here and the memories are flashes,
Casted out and left on the outfield of vastness.

I caress my own shoulders and breathe in a sigh,
The pines are nestling around my presence up high,
The week has been long but tonight will be longer,
Can't feel my toes and my heart is at a stutter.

Sinking into the ground I torn,
Looking out the endless visions of demure shores,
I set myself aside and see the blue light,
It must be easy to give up to the weak fight.

I use constant talks with myself to keep myself awake,
If I fall asleep, the creatures will come and take.

My eyes are getting dreary,
I hope someone soon finds me.

It's already here

Just licking the end points clean now,
The open pastures that realm inside my head,
They are a black mess,
The dingoes are eating the shrubbery called " last food."
Many said that he may come soon.

I opened my closet and found misery in what to wear, for who cares,
Mother lays her head down and see's blank pages,
The porch is filled with erased hop scotch lines and dirt puddles,
I seek a answer, but get questions instead,
Will all turn to the same, each other for refuge,
Dawn appears and you still cower behind the walls of your room.

Trying to make sense of a disaster may be possible,
But trying to fix it may be impossible,
I can see lonely faces, and discouraged places,
The hands that need to be reached out to,
They are trying to rummage whats left in their pockets.

Evil lies in most eyes,
It circles twice around your cornea, and tells you that things are going down,
The screaming girl next door, is asking for help,
But you don't care, you just call the landlord for assistance,
You need to see that everyone needs someone,
Especially how things are going now.

Connections are placed on earth to seal a definable allowance,
That you must pursue a friendship, not wait while many ask why,
Connect with the person next to you and tell them you think they are great,
Instead of feeling lost and always in a debate.

I felt thunder yesterday and knew that the clouds will be dark as soon as I stepped outside,
But I decided not to hide..

I would rather feel the lightening, then be frightened of whats to come,
I will be your wing tonight,
I will tell you that everything is going to be hell,
But soon the day will come when disaster will be done.

You will see you need to still have hope in order to really feel true tears,
Because your body releases the pain through your mind, but never through your fears.

The deep horizons of density will soon turn to cirrocumulus,
Lay here with me on this pastured land,
And wait while we discover what lies in our hands.

Manifestations..

I felt his hand rinse over my face with my hopes being placed right under his palms. I would have like to think that never meeting him would have set me to better days, but that would be foolish of me.

I think I am dreaming, because he has never touched me. He has never been in the presence of me. I have never seen his lips move in front of my gawking eyes. I have only heard the angelicy of his voice echo through the night drifts. I don't see him when he makes mistakes, or do I when he is perfect. He could have been a memory, but what is a memory without imagery. Is it just endless words you think you see him speak. " Remember that day..." but there was no " that day".

When you first saw me, was it in a bookstore, or was it when I was waiting in line to get dinner. Did you meet me when I went to that bon fire, or did you meet me when your friends invited you over.

Can I ask what you smelled when you were near me. Was it the smell of vanilla I wear all the time, or was it the lavender I put on occasions.

What did I wear on the first day I was with you. Was it my red floral summer dress, or the black jeans with a cotton top. What do you day about what I wore, were you silent or were you enthralled.

Can you think of when we first held hands. Was yours sweaty or was mine dry. Did you feel my lotion or did you feel my pulsating heart.

When we had that moment where you looked me in the eyes, did you get dancing fireflies in your chest. Did you stop breathing and wonder what would happen next. Did you see me as something more then just a friend.

When you stopped looking in my eyes and felt my two lips. Did you think they were soft and did you think I would kiss you back. Did you expect to just give me a peck, or were your intentions greater. When you kissed me with intensity, did it feel like forever, or was it everything you dreamed of.

When you touched my hair to feel my thick strands, did you pull me in closer because you wanted to hold me. Did you want to make me feel loved.

When you rested my head against your chest, did you want me to hear your heart. Did you want me to feel you tremble because you were feeling like you met the one. Did you think I knew the same.

The day you said you loved me, did you mean it.

The day you met me, was but a fantasy.

My make believe.

A delusional imagery.

But you said you loved me...

so now what?

I take all there is, and leave it where it shall be found,
The reserve I thus betwixt has shriveled on high elevations,
And matters for others to example, have not been with pleasant satisfactions,
Magnitude you prevail has long ceased to flood,
I watch with patience, and only hope gestures will scale first.

Will thou feel you like once before,
On cottages with jagged muses,
I will see you on the moon in which was far longed,
I must keep to a comment I knew would take flight,
Please mercy, will'st take hands on open fires,
They exhume so much preasure, for shall it be desires,
Take away what once was wrong, leave on cotton with pickers that belong.

I only knew what was once before, I only wondered what not asked for,
This is a symbolism of ones many triumphs,
To take over and leave me at fault,
On echoes and lions hearts that exhaust,
They steer in the directions that cast me afar,
For many passages leave me depart.

Chastened by the greatest of all,
You watched me believe, now do you see me fall?

I seek none, and only the darkest rooms,
For there I will find solace, and power in my discovered lume.

Take me in this moment of discretion,
Maybe a revolution will take place,
The end is near, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Amidst the longest drain, you feel above and among the insane,
This is where the epiphany lies,
You see yourself for you- and no longer compromise.

Describing this one word..

Ignition of my own blunt lines that I bury in this dirt,
The unknown talks that spell through an invisible aerial,
I watched all the lies that many have chalked down a board so black,
Believe me when I say- I am not that.

The beauty of this day is radiating off my skin,
It feels it and sinks it down to my sweet side,
I would see the dark cumulus before and think of depression,
Now when I look up, I see the cold rush,
I see the swirls of electrical currents, that are alive and absolute,
The mountains refining in royal blues and the whistles of the hugging winds.

The rose I gave to a past valentine was folded in tin foil,
I wanted to keep it from wilting and to it keep fresh and pristine,
But now I realize that I should have let its pedals drop,
Let it rot and let it die,
To let the flower feel alive and free, and to feel suffering,
And to feel that there is life on the other side.

I flip my pillow over to grace against the gelid flush,
I drift to sleep and I have flutters of compact colors,
Maybe some distant memories, and maybe lost kisses,
But the arguments were not there, and the mistakes were gone.

The florals of patchy quilts and white sheets bundle me in a trance,
I awaken to this cloudy day,
The floor aches in my early bird dance,
I start singing elton john songs, and remember me in a handmade princess dress,
My tiarra sparkling and my ballerina shoes to match.

I listen to the word.. I listen to his word.

I get up to Laguna hills and the golden blaze it still emits,
Within the canopy of darkness, I see one hill shining bright,
I take my sketchbook out and start to draw,
I drew everything but that hill,
That light that blooms off it, will transfer to me today,
I don't need to describe it,
It went through my skin,
Down to my sweet side.

I felt his word....