Empty Love Dreams

I am not someone you want to associate with,
People say that I can bring you down with many fatal hits,
I have this smile and it is transparent,
Soon the people around me will eventually see my malicious grin,
So many say, that my heart will stay in this black drug,
Feeling so many things till everyone runs from having to much.

What I have tried has not worked,
I looked back on my life and I have always been hurt,
Looking at myself in the mirror till blood would rip off my knuckles,
The reflection was ugly as my world creates an internal hole,
Light comes and it goes, the real me comes back and takes apart,
Limb from limb my bones are left astray,
Its taking over like cancer till the medics get driven away.

Here I am in the back room behind the curtain,
I am old enough to see from right and wrong, but ever since I was little my sight has been dim,
My thoughts have been lost and my voice has been given,
Daily contemplated thoughts of why am I even living,
I want to go and leave so it does not make me want to puke,
My hands shake and my panic attacks never reduce.

There was never a time when I think far into the past,
I was always the child who wanted to grasp,
That shiny plated thing inside that drawer so tight,
Holding myself intently till the pain left the night.

I try to stir clear from huting those I love,
But in the end no one is safe hanging with a ghost,
A soul that wonders and never finds its way,
Only looking for something it will never find with this rancid face,
Long black hair and fair skin so white,
I am not fairy tale, but a hollow spirit in the mourning of her fright.

Take me along with no feet and no hope,
Cause I have tried to long, no meaning to cope,
Reasons to believe I am the hurt of the hurt,
Testaments to be said