Empty Love Dreams

I am down here now...

I can't see any visibility, it has lost its meaning. I wish I could grab a hold of what I had but never have found. The days run into each other now, there is no movement only thoughts that collide. I don't want you to know my secret, but yet the world seems to know. It hurts you know. To feel alone sometimes. To feel as if you have so much potential and people say it, but you don't feel it. You see happiness so far away, but so close around you.

The dark climbs over my body sometimes. It creeps without me even knowing. I sit for hours contemplating on what to do, and then the darkness comes. It has become me now. I don't see you and I don't see me, I only see what the world see's. I see how I come home and try not to think of the pain but yet it escalates off my head and into my heart. Driving my veins to feel as if they need some kind of pressure to release the intolerable boundary I am making. Once and a while I see it, I see happiness lining itself to get shot. I feel the way I smile and my mind says it will not last, it will only stay till the darkness comes.... as I will not even notice.

The pillow will suphocate my thoughts..till I can't breathe anymore. Till I can only feel the little clutch of my hands as it wraps around the corners of the bed frame. I will think of the place with the nice two acre field. Before I felt as if I needed to be happy with the touch of someone else. I could just have the scent of fresh air and the tree's stand tall above my eyes. I would lay till night fall and do the same the next day. I wish I could replace what my thoughts are now.

I am coming down a lonely road and it was made to be kicked and blazed over. It was meant to be told what to do and what to feel. It was told to be confused and painfully missused. I heard things and I have done worse. I am the person I am and I have tried to change my ways. I can't stand the crying late at night. I can't stand the vacanct room with silence. I can't stand walking alone in the day. I can't stand...... everything.

Goodnight my thoughts for today.. Goodnight the pain that won't go away.