noncurrent

Why should this day be lamentable with slow motion clocks,
Scenery ephemeral with naught to be sought,
I tasted your fire and as it cauterized my tissues,
Deep dark pain in a place to feel misused.

With you I am engulfed in ashes and dust,
I have to give it my all or surely I will combust,
I want no more surprises or guilty phases,
Seeing death through all your faces.

Violent lust, tears my pages that singe at my motive,
Walking apart from the torn muscles, you lack to notice,
Smooth sounds scream their way through,
Boards are black inside a empty sun endued.

You grab my hand and swing it near,
I feel pressure of the beguiled kiss you made dear,
And falling back you let me drift close,
On fields of dreams you arose.

I was alone and broke down a lot,
Felt my hands cry and my heart grow a clot,
Till the pain subsided and you told me you were it,
The person to be here when depression hit.

I hope we never get separated and keep running on,
Keeping together through the darkest nights and brightest dawns.

The clocks turned back and I had one more chance,
To be inside your heart and for us to lock hands.

Eyes

When I see you all I need is hope,
That someday there will be a time when I can see torrents fill the skies,
The skies will be drunk with depth and pain,
Then just as the sun does, it will evade and destroy the rain,
But yet my words are taken away from me,
And you take them in your own godly greed.

With many things flying by, will one get caught and stay upon my cloth,
Wrapped on my string and bring hope before I get lost,
I let the decreasing amounts of desire let loose on my eyes,
The more and more I distinguish a lust, the rush is full upon the skies.

I am breaking piece..

by piece..

and hands over my knees.

I will let out my anguish when this is all no more,
For my love will disappear and my heart will be torn,
I know that this will not last like all the rest,
Piece by piece the pain will invest.

I think I have a problem,
It may be you and it may be me,
It may be the many I give into and seek.

Why are lessons hard to learn,
Why can't I compare from what I have been through,
And thoroughly realize and discern,
What love feels like when it is lost and spewed.

Take me away from your skies,
The sun will come and open your eyes.

This is not a person for you,
They will hurt you like the rest you placed unto.

Piece by piece and lust by lust,
This could be the end, but I can never say enough.

Sphere

Take these tips and make it slide down your back,
Feel the pain I feel and yours that collapsed,
On hardened grounds that fall through a trap,
The pillows are gone and the plummet will crack,
My hands will not catch and it will hurt,
Plead for me not, for I will be pure.

I know this takes me a long time to figure out,
When will I be in love when there is to much to surround,
Why can't I be alone every now and then,
Is it silence that lengthens my pen,
This is the day when I see you in my head,
Making me feel longful and mislead.

I cried hours tonight and the sheets are drowning with me,
Finding my way to a land where I can stand,
Can only be permitted if I take your despised hand,
I want to get lost and take a walk where no one has conquest,
Where I can feel the true feelings of my heart undressed.

I live somewhere I know you don't know of,
You can not see through this spherical of love,
That is to deep for you to break apart,
For many have broken and crumbled my heart.

It has used its genes to create a plaster effect,
Layers and layers to deflect,
The death of my life has been long gone,
Why try to take my breath away,
When it has already been done.

I know that you are the love of my life,
But why should I give in when my heart will never feel right.

The vision

Lifting up like a lifeless leaf that floats down a river,
The trees play with my lashes that quiver,
Soft rotten dirt lays under my bosom,
Can you see the image that glooms,
Sets me in this patch and rides me to detatch,
Ground and trees get far,
My life passes by and this is where it starts.

Thinking this will just dissipate and come back as my ceiling,
With my sleep deprived mind and disbelieving,
Why is the greens turning away to my pulse,
Faster ... faster.. it is torched,
When will the clouds come and Eden appear once more,
Take me with one and pray for this scorn.

I see the people and they are burning under this fire,
Incinerating with there skin inside the heart of this deep,
Take my hand and maybe they will live,
But my feet are stuck as well, why can't I give,
The trees are closing in and my hope is becoming inflamed,
Feeling all that they feel... all of their pain.

But the cold is coming forth,
Would this be okay.. for them to be rescued from this curse,
I see the light and it shines on through,
The screams they are creating are renewed,
Given this last chance to show how much they hurt,
With every bark and every leaf upon what they churn.

They burned because of the pain that they gave,
The light shone... but nothing was saved.

Lone

How much it has been hard, the blank expressions that faze,
Walking slower and slower down this rummaged hall,
Making my power to this pain fall.

This simple door will be an opening to your dreams,
What if I open and my body is diseased,
My ends are tied and my heart abides,
Been around the block and seen how it is to die,
But I am at peace and disturb me you'll try.

Cleansing all this pain will take a packet of rocket salt,
To burn the change that will exalt,
God this has been a landslide,
But prelude this kiss will hide,
Wounds dig deep to make blind.

I liked it when I had a place to keep my thoughts,
But being alone makes me feel lost,
Can I cope with but a lantern and a whisper,
Making sure that the darkness won't entrance my imaginary visitor.

I know this makes no sense to you,
How much pain I usually go through,
But its here and it stays,
So kiss me goodnight and make it go away.

Here she is...

The room is wide with a draft from above, 18 inches across and 20 inches long were the vents perimeter. When I entered I felt an imbalance, as if you were walking down a long hallway and began to feel light headed. I let the room carry me to her. I sat down near a sweater that wasn't mine. She had shorter hair then me and looked quite pale at this point. Her elf like features gave her a surreal sort of beauty. The beauty was fading though. It only made me wonder what gods intentions were for this child. Why did he let her be here on this molted ball we call earth. What was his point?

" Why do you have lipstick on?" she yelled across the yard.
I looked at her with a curiosity at her remark, I said my lips were made that way from eating to many choke berry's. She asked what they were, but I said they don't have anymore. In truth they really didn't have them anymore, they were only seasoned in my days. I grabbed her hand with a twirl of her hair accross my forearm and took her inside the house.

She was one of those children that would stare at you with an innocent smirk. As if you had something on your face but really they just wanted to get a reaction out of you. It was different with Aeriel though. She would look at you and smile, then when she got tired of staring she would hug you. I thought her actions and the way she gave you those hugs was so angelic of her.

Aeriel is an orphan. I met her seven months ago. She is nine years old and has a condition. I knew she had this condition to begin with, but there was this aura inside her eyes that I just wanted to be a part of. When I adopted her I was given instructions and for warning that she may not make it past a year. She seemed to have more life in her then any adult I have seen. She exuded beauty and intelligence. As soon as I made eyes on her I knew she was a part of me.

" What is this?" that was her favorite phrase. She loved to question things and test reality. One day when I took her home she asked why there was no fish in the pond we had. I told her that I could never keep up with fish, plus the creatures might eat them. The next day I found two fish in the pond. I asked her where she got these fish, she said that the cat promised it would not eat it. I laughed at a lot she did, she never asked only insured me that everything would work itself out.
Aeriel was easy to get along with, she gave happiness and smiles to anything she would encounter. Which it made it very easy for her to grow attached to me and me to her. I would watch her as she would sleep sometimes. The hard in and outs she would inhale and exhale... seemed so healthy for a few months. The fourth month grew into deep respiratory problems, but I still could only see the beauty in her sleep. The dreams she danced to under her eyelids.

"Can I get a unicorn?" She started to ask this around the fifth month. It was not one of those make believe wanting from a child, but she persisted with serious composure. She wanted this horse with a horn so badly. I decided that I would paint her ceiling in a fairy tale theme. When it was complete she would see her unicorn every time she would fall to sleep. Aeriel never cried, nor did she whimper. When she was asleep she would have tears that would fall down her face though. I could tell that she had some inner trouble that needed to be released. Whenever she would look at her unicorn she would smile though. Every time before sleep she would smile at me then the unicorn and back at me again. I loved her.

The mornings were my favorite because she would come to me before I would wake up and play with my hair lightly. I would never notice till I would wake up. She said that I would be dreaming so quietly that she could hear the water dripping from the kitchen sink. Little wise crack she was too. She was the only thing that made me smile, and maybe I could relate to those tears she never shown. Maybe that's why I needed her.

It's not that I am not able to have my own child, it is just that I chose her before I could even try and have one. She was something that I would never be able to conjure up. Gods most prized delicacy I would call her.

" Why is he on the ground?" She saw a man with a bucket in his hands. I told her he didn't have a house or a job because something went wrong in his life. She looked at me briefly with a silence that lasted five minutes. She grabbed the man by the hand and told him that god made him to move and god made him to eat. She smiled at him and gave him a hug. The man picked himself up and said she was right. I never saw that man beg again. She made miracles happen.

When I walked into the room it was cold and not made for someone like her. I took my jacket off and placed it on her feet. She was not moving, only her head was angled at my face. She gazed painfully in my eyes and my heart was so dead at that point. She still smiled at me as her featurs fell off her. I felt a tear roll onto my hand as her eyes began to wilt up. I said it was okay to cry now.. it's okay to feel this way. She held my hand tighter and asked if I could take care of the fish, I smirked at her. She smiled again, but this time it went away. Her pulse growing slower.

" What is this?" She looked unreal, as if seeing right through me to another place in time. I felt her shake and her pulse pause. Tears started to streak off my face and melt with hers. I whispered and pulled closer to her face, " It's a nice place, and someone is waiting for you there. He will take care of you and play with you all the time." She smiled and her eyes fell shut. Her release of her hands made my hands grow tighter around her wrist.

I loved her, and god made her here not because he wanted to curse her, but to show miracles can come true. She was someone that gave life to things that were hopeless. I let go of her hand and laid a stuffed unicorn in replace. I stayed near her bed till the nurse arrived.

This is the mutiny of mercy,
Severed branches lay vertical and set free,
With cuts that run through a closed canal,
What is the calm under this bloody sky,
I will find interaction where I sink inside,
Upon this dirt road I can not stand it anymore..

Invent..

Inventing a soft silk that will wrap around my mouth,
While my hands are psychopathic, with reasoning to doubt,
Crucifying my thoughts in a fire that blazes,
I will keep my hold study, as I wrap it upon other faces,
Look at this frog that needs to leave,
I will obliterate you with my iron staff till you bleed,
Like the skies that will cease to exist,
A continuum that will never persist.

I am followed in a dark place and still there is this shadow,
It will not speak of it's meaning or budge to go,
Liking the pain that creates beside my roam,
Ripping intently on bright pure colors,
Seeking more hurt onto others.

Invent..

Inventing a place for people to protest,
That years and years have not been best,
Notice that you can not be alone,
Humming the same song,
Where can you call home?

Blood paves the skies and the streets,
Will it be washed or will it come after me...

Somebody needs to come and find a way,
Just to stop the stalker of all this pain.